Category Archives: How to treat a teenager.

5 Reasons Why Teenagers Should Have an After-School Job

When your children become teenagers it’s time to start considering an after-school job. Not all parents feel that their teenagers should have to get a job, but it could be in their best interest to have a job, whether they need the money or not.

1-Responsibility- All teens need to learn about responsibility. When your teen has a job they are responsible for getting themselves to work on time (or arranging transportation via you or a friend), doing their job correctly while they are there and making sure that they can continue to keep up with their schoolwork. Having an after-school job is a fantastic way to teach your teenager about responsibility.

2-Money Management- All teenagers love the idea of having their own money, that’s why they always seem to have their hands out when you walk by them. By allowing your teenager to have an after-school job you are allowing them to learn a little bit about money management. If they are saving up for their first car they will have to manage how much money they can allow themselves to spend, as well as how much they should save out of each week’s paycheck in order to reach their goal. Your teenager will quickly realize that they can’t spend every coin  that they make if they want to have the something special that they are saving up for. Not to mention, you can’t spend all of your paycheck on Friday night if you are going out on Saturday too.

3-A Taste of the Real World- While having an after-school job at garage  may not feel like the “real world” to the parents, it certainly does for your teenager. Having an after-school job will give your teenager a taste of what life would be like when they are grown and they have to be a responsible employee, no matter where they work. Your teen will have to figure out how to pay their “bills” while having a little spending money. Your teen will have to find a place to cash their paycheck each week and even how to manage a bank account, if you allow them to have one.

4-A Job Keeps Them Out of Trouble- You are probably saying “Teens will get into trouble whether they have a job or not”. You are right, but it is less likely that your teenager will get into trouble if they are working five evenings a week, especially if you give them a curfew for after work. Depending on how long the drive from work to home is, you could allow your teen an extra 30 minutes to 1 hour to get home after work. This will insure that they won’t feel rushed but that they should still get home on time. Of course, if you are taking your teenager to and from work everyday you won’t have to worry about them getting home by curfew. We all know that teenagers like to stay up late at night and then sleep late the next morning. Try to make sure that your teenager is getting home from work early enough in the evening so as to not affect their morning wake-up time for school.

5-Hardwork is Good for Them- You know the saying, “a little hard work never hurt anyone”. I completely agree with that saying, especially when it comes to a teenager having an after-school job. There is no reason  why  teens  shouldn’t have some sort of job, either after-school, on the weekends or just during their  vacation. It’s a good idea to show your teenager that hardwork is what it takes to accomplish everything in their life. They can’t learn the meaning of hardwork if everything is handed to them. What will they expect when they are out on their own if they have never had to work hard for what they wanted?

In the end, it is a good idea for all teenagers to have an after-school job. If they aren’t able to handle a job after school then they should definitely have a  job when school is out. All teenagers, no matter what their parents’ financial situation, should have a job. They will need the practice and experience before they do get out into the real world.

There are far too many teenagers in the world today that expect things to be handed to them on a silver platter. Hardwork? What’s hardwork? Teach your teenagers that life is what you make of it. I don’t mean to sound mean ,  but every parent should make their kids to do  an after-school job so they can buy things for themselves . Show your teenager what it means to be a responsible human being in the world today and they will thank you for it in the future

When Is It OK to Snoop on Your Teen?

Fifteen-year-old Sarah  was  on the straight and narrow. She received excellent grades at school, had never dabbled in drugs and had a group of friends who shared her positive goals and morals. However, Sarah’s mother can’t help but snoop through Sarah’s room during school holidays , regularly reading her diary.  Recently Sarah  who is in a boarding school  got suspended for going  out clubbing. She denied the allegations but during the time she was on suspension  she still  went out clubbing without her parents’ permission  , good enough as she was running off they heard the dogs barking , so they went to check  in her room .They were suspicious of her behaviour. They were right, she had run off. They stayed up all night to wait for her to come back. Funny enough she denied going clubbing.  Sarah is heartbroken at her parents’ lack of trust, and angered by the invasion of privacy  Marias’  parents were bewildered at how to make their daughter understand that they simply love her and want to help put a stop to this potentially destructive behaviou.. Sarah’s mother wants to make sure her daughter doesn’t make the same mistakes she made as a teen.

Seventeen-year-old Henry  has always been a child who made his parents proud. He has received good grades in school and he has kept himself out of trouble. However, recently Henry  has been acting a bit odd to his parents, and they feared he was experimenting with drugs or beginning to hang out with the “wrong crowd.” One night when Henry  was out , his parents crept into his bedroom and searched until they found evidence that Henry had been using marijuana.

They waited up for Henry  to arrive home and confronted the boy with the drug paraphernalia. Henry  was immediately defensive, and a lengthy argument ensued throughout which Henry  communicated his rage at their invasion of his privacy. His parents were bewildered at how to make their son understand that they simply love him and want to help put a stop to this potentially destructive behavior.

Two families with two different situations, yet both have a common dilemma. Where does a parent draw the line between wanting to protect, help and educate their child and respecting the child’s desire for privacy

Talk (and Listen) If You Suspect a Problem

“Adolescent issues start early in the parent-child relationship, from the time the child is toddling around. These boundaries from babyhood help us determine what’s private, what’s separate and how to negotiate these things. You really need to know what they are doing. However, there should never be the need to snoop.”

The key to parenting adolescents is problem solving, not punishment. For instance, if a parent suspects that the teen is dabbling in drugs, that parent should first discuss the issue with their child, expressing concerns and the desire to help, and then go into the bedroom with the teenager, and look around together. This method will keep the focus on the issue of drug use and communicate to the child that rather than being judged or punished, the parent will lend a helping hand.

“Snooping takes the focus off the issue and onto the snooping. When this happens, the child will get defensive about the invasion of privacy, and that is the direction the discussion will lead.  It’s important for parents to “connect with their kids, as opposed to disconnecting or distancing.”

In the cases of both Sarah and Henry , the invasion of privacy on the part of the parents could come from any number of factors, from the need to be controlling to the pure motive of wanting to be an involved and caring parent.

Instead of snooping,  you be “a reporter with your teen,” that is, constantly communicating about pertinent issues during general conversations, to gain an understanding of the teen’s thoughts and ideas about various subjects.

When You Fear Violence or Suicide

There are exceptions to this open communication. It may be necessary to snoop in the case that the discussion may lead to either violence or suicidal thoughts on the part of the teen. In such cases, I  recommend seeking help, through self-education or from the many public and private organizations that offer individual and family counselling and crisis intervention.

Keep an eye out for warning signs. These include: falling school grades, sudden changes in friends, sudden weight loss and isolation, as indications that the teen is experiencing problems or may be mixed up with drugs or other dangerous behaviours.

“Kids  live up to what your belief in them is. “Treat them with trust, respect and communication from an early age, then adolescence will be easier. Try to maintain that trust whenever possible, except when the teen might be a danger to himself or to someone else.”

Is it alright to spank/ slap a teenage child?

Violence should not be used on teenagers , no matter how much he or she deserves it. I think it’s considered child abuse. Also, it’s just going to make him or her more angry and next time, he or she’s going to want to do something worse. It’s all a helpless, endless cycle. You need to talk to him or her, tell him or her what she’s doing is wrong, and maybe takehim or her to a therapist if he or she seems to be misbehaving badly.